unorthodox
Posted on: April 2, 2020
How do you strike a balance between conformity and rebellion, between the need for structure and the need for freedom? Where do you draw the line between the two? I was always the odd one out, always struggling to fit in but never was I ready to compromise, to trade off my beliefs against the comfort of acceptance and blending in. Asserting myself and my individuality, being authentic and true to myself came always at a high price but that never stopped me. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not tapping here into the modern trope of uniqueness. That is a cliché. I am not unique. I was not born to stand out from the crowd and I am not exceptional nor am I special. This is not the reason why I always speak out and why I don’t go with the flow. It’s just that I am unable to conform to any orthodoxy that would alienate me. Always an outcast going against the tide whether it’s about religion or sexuality or any social mores I find oppressive. Always a rebel speaking my mind and resisting peer pressure and pointless conformity. Always at odds with collective cohesiveness and groupthink. I wouldn’t have survived in Lord of the Flies for more than a day.
I perfectly well understand we are social creatures and we crave company, acceptance and validation. A sense of belonging. I had friends and boyfriends who tried to strike a deal with the Gods of In-group and lost their soul in the process. So I know that being liked by our peers and fitting in is a big deal. It’s just that being true to my inner self is my first commandment and more important than anything, more important than my need to be liked and accepted. There’s not a single bone in me for cultish behaviour and for the new in-group religion where you alienate for the sake of acceptance and benevolence. So obviously I favour individuality over conformity. I despise the tyranny of the Other, the tyranny of their prying look and meddling in other people’s life. I’m unorthodox to the core so there’s no surprise I was in awe with Esty’s haunting story. But at the same time I have to admit that we need structure, we need roots, we need solid ground, we need social cohesion, we need rules to function, we need social norms, we need people in our lives and all these imply conforming and complying to others than ourselves. So where do you draw the line then? Where is the point where orthodoxy becomes oppressive and turns to a prison?
nolongerinbetween 
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