Archive for February 2020

cockroaches 2jpg

The most effective way to get over somebody is radical disappointment. To some extent we are all bound to let down the very people we love and be let down by them. Disappointment cannot be avoided as part of our everyday life and it comes in different strands. Most of these letdowns are trivial and benign and can be absorbed with ease by our relationships. But there are a couple of disappointments that are so gross and shockingly malign that changes our overview completely. You suddenly realize the person you love is not who you thought he was or who pretended to be. You are forced to adjust his image to the point it no longer resembles the original you fell for. The law of identity comes into force. What you thought is an A is a B. Whoever he pretended to be he is not. The person you love does not exist. There’s nobody to get over after all. In fairness, you may still experience a sense of loss and confusion since your love has lost its object but it’s more like a phantom pain and far from the agony of a heartbreak. Your past history is revised and your narrative rewritten.

Radical disappointment is to love what is chemotherapy to cancer. It cures but at a cost. It has some nasty side effects. It causes nausea and you feel grossed out. You are left with a sense of repulsion at the sickening thought that you were close to that person. You know that sense of dread and repugnance you entertain when you see a cockroach or a snake in your proximity. The idea of being close or touched by them makes your stomach cringe or vomit. It’s a strong reaction to complete alterity and otherness, embedded deeply in our DNA. You realize you were on intimate terms with someone so fundamentally different that gives you the ick. The idea that you touched them makes your skin crawls. It’s like an upside down version of the fairy tale where you kiss the prince and he turns into a frog. Yuck.

Radical disappointment is liberating. It doesn’t come cheap since it sets you free at the price of puking your guts out but it’s definitely worth your while. It’s a good trade-off even though costly. It replaces your love with repulsion. It replaces your lover with a stranger you despise. It replaces the heartache with a headache which is admittedly a nuisance but much easier to shake off. Thank God the mask eventually fell off and the charade is over. Truth is a beautiful thing. Hell to the liars.


nier automata digital-art 05

What the fuck is wrong with people these days? So you play the masterpiece that is NieR: Automata. For weeks, you slash thousands of robots and machine lifeforms in your quest to reclaim the Earth back from aliens, you defeat epic bosses, one after another, hack into their system to weaken them, to steal their secrets, you learn about their journey from mere machines to autonomous sentient lifeforms, you complete hundreds of glorious sidequests in your endeavour to save Earth and so on and so forth just to find out in the end and once you reached the summit of your hard fought victory that … all of it was a damn hoax, a scam, a fake choreography, a charade, a fraudulent narrative? What the fuck? Who in the name of Yoko Taro does that? It’s the epitome of an anticlimax. So I played and fought in this proxy war between humans and aliens for nothing? They were both dead all along? For hundreds of years? My input didn’t mean anything and it didn’t make a shred of difference in the outcome of the whole scheme? I poured in endless hours of gameplay in vain? Who the fuck keeps pulling the rug from under our feet? Who is the sick twisted fuck that keeps shifting the narrative? Throwing twists at you when least expected? Like in a “russian doll” farce – route A, route B, route C, route D and so forth. What happened to our what-you-see-is-what-you-get rule? The whole point of living a coherent narrative when you accept it in your life is for its authenticity, it’s the only reward you long for and you don’t expect your narrative to morph into a different narrative when things get hairy or you get close to the end of your experience. Don’t ruin my experience telling me I played a different game than I thought I was. Panta rhei my ass. Does anybody stick to the Law of Identity these days, the fundamental law of thought? Twists are for movies and books, not for engaging walkthroughs in life. Arghhh. That was a mesmerizing game and a beautiful mess. Let’s do it again. Maybe in the second playthrough nobody dies in the end and those robo-pigs will start flying…


Parasite Capture 1E

Parasite Capture 2

poate un vierme sa fie fluture? poate cineva sa isi transceanda lotul? conditia oferita de ruleta vietii? e fatalismul identitatii surmontabil?

unul din motivele juisării mele la filmul lui bong joon ho “parasite” este pesimismul si raspunsul lui negativ. nu, nu poate. nu ca nu ar exista deloc mobilitate sociala. exista. exista oameni care reusesc saltul dintr-o lume in alta. pesti care devin mamifere. mamifere care devin pasari. pasari care, huh, devin moluste. dar regula nu e asta. regula e separatia. sigilarea. enclavizarea. impermeabiltatea lumilor. claselor. speciilor. functionarea lor paralela, in care amestecul e doar aparent. incremenirea in determinismul identitar al castelor. regula e ca indiferent cat de sus urci the social ladder o sa târăsti dupa tine mirosul indelebil al conditiei originare. poti trece drept altcineva, poti trece drept unul de al lor o vreme dar vine intotdeauna un moment de criza, un test in care mirosul o sa te dea de gol. filmul descrie astfel un cerc hermeneutic complet, desi viciat. ca transfug reusesti sa iti transcenzi o vreme conditia precara dar te intorci intotdeauna in punctul din care ai plecat. si spre deosebire de cercul hermeneutic clasic, in care te intorci imbogatit, aici te intorci imputinat. injumatatit. erau saraci si s-au intors si mai saraci. erau patru si s-au intors doi. nu numai ca schimbarea subiectului a esuat dar devii si mai putin decat erai. existenta nu precede esenta. nu esti ceea ce devii ci devii ceea ce esti. daca esti A si pretinzi ca esti B exista mereu un test care iti va trada impostura si inadecvarea. mirosul subsolului in care ai crescut te va urmari precum o umbra. fatalismul darwinismului social e total. esti doar o râmă care se viseaza lepidopteră. esti doar un sobolan defector, ca in opul omonim al lui zaniewski. un trespasser. principiul identitatii e reinstaurat. bucla s-a inchis.

Parasite Capture 3

Parasite Capture 4



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literatura e efortul inepuizabil de a transforma viaţa în ceva real

The priest: Aren't you afraid of hell? J. Kerouac: No, no. I'm more concerned with heaven.

literatura e efortul inepuizabil de a transforma viaţa în ceva real

The priest: Aren't you afraid of hell? J. Kerouac: No, no. I'm more concerned with heaven.